I'm writing this as I'm leaning back on my couch with my baby on my chest; napping after her two month shots, with an aching back, full bladder and a messy house.
There is one thing women don't talk about nearly enough. Post partum anxiety and a little thing called shame.
It hit me the day she was born and couldn't latch. The anxiety when visitors poured in to see us because they love us. It continued when my supply sucked and we began on formula. But that was the easy stuff because I had my husband home to help. What they don't talk about is when your baby gets a little older and you're supposed to have your stuff together.
But I don't.
I go without quite often. Simple things I took for granted before motherhood. Going pee when I need to. Showering. Getting dolled up. A real lunch break. SLEEP.
And that shame I mentioned? It's still there. Am I a good mom? When can I find time to clean the house? Am I remembering to email clients and am I running my business to my standards?
You know what I heard in my head today after getting nothing done except taking the baby to her checkup?
Grace. I need to stop trying to be perfect and realize I'm already accomplishing the most important task on my plate. Raising my kid.
One day I'm sure I'll figure out how to do all those things everyday but for now I'm trying to accept the changes and unfinished tasks before me. The important thing to remember is that I'm not alone and I don't need to keep everything to myself. I'm in this together with other moms feeling the same way (and an awesome hubs who is a big help).